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21 Comments

  • Ahmed Abbas

    Reply Reply February 6, 2017

    Thank you Charlie for the amazing advice, I really love and appreciate your work and one thing I tried was taking compliments to the extreme ( First Impressions) and told the barber that I thought my haircut was amazing and he instantly smiled and laughed a bit so i can rest assured that your advice still works so please keep the videos and blogs coming I really appreciate them.

    • Charlie

      Reply Reply February 6, 2017

      Absolutely Ahmed! I’ll be working on a new module for CU soon as well as more YT vids every week 🙂

  • Ahmed Abbas

    Reply Reply February 5, 2017

    Hey Charlie, amazing advice you’ve given me in this video, but I want you to help me with something I’ve been constantly struggling with, which is introducing myself to a group while the group is in the middle of conversation without being rude

    • Charlie

      Reply Reply February 5, 2017

      Great question. I think the aim is to get in as quickly as possible. To that aim you have a couple options

      1) If you know someone, come up and clap them on the shoulder and step into the group. They’ll almost always introduce you
      2) If you don’t know someone you can enter and say something like “Hey guys, don’t mean to interrupt, but I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m Ahmed.” After the round of helloes you can jump back in by prompting them “So what were you guys saying?”
      3) If you sense the conversation will end soon you can enter and say nothing. When that line of conversation dies, go with number 2.

      Hope that helps!

  • Maria Oftedal

    Reply Reply August 16, 2016

    I love this! I’m from Norway, and I’m now in my first week in the university. Our first week is just tons of social events, and we get devided into groups that do everything toghether. After seeing this yeaterday I could see it so much in our group. We have a group leader who tries to be louder that everyone else, and from the outside looks like the leader. But she is not able to connect to people as individuals, and therefor noone feels comfertable around her, cuz they don’t get to know her. And I could see just by using what you said in another module about connecting with her as a person and not as a leader, I’m always the person she looks at and gives me messeges to tell the rest of the group. This is super helpful! Thank you so much! I tell all my friends about this 🙂

    • Charlie

      Reply Reply August 17, 2016

      Great work, Maria! I love hearing these success stories. Hopefully you can help that leader along by example – who knows, you might even become the one people look to for leadership 🙂

  • Amit

    Reply Reply August 11, 2016

    Hi, Charlie. Great content as usual. I have a question regarding the “introducing yourself” advice. I do understand that I’ll have to introduce myself to EVERY individual in a group; however, at what point in time you’d say it’s not possible to shake hands with all em individually? For example, a group of 50 people seems practically impossible. So basically what I’m asking is: what’s the magic number? 25? 15? At what no. of a group it’s too many to shake hands with everyone?

    • Charlie

      Reply Reply August 11, 2016

      Haha, great question. I will have to count and see. My sense is that it depends on the context. The only chance you’re likely to have a group of more than 5 people in one conversation would be at a business meeting. In that case, pre-meeting, you often have time to say hi to 10 people. Or at a big dinner, you could conceivably go around a table of 10-12 people and say hi to each of them before sitting down.

      I would aim to hit everyone in the immediate group you are entering provided that the number is under 10. At bigger than 10, you have multiple groups and can introduce yourself to other people if and when you enter their subgroup

  • Ash

    Reply Reply June 14, 2016

    Hey Charlie,
    I’m a bit confused on how to apply Day 1 on the Action Pan. So from what I understand the aim for Day 1 is to either introduce yourself to every individual of a new group or to say hi individually to an existing group. In my current situation I often find myself within a group of 10 (my ‘firm’ for university classes for the past year). Would it still be appropriate to say Hi to every individual? It just feels like a bit much (even though I have yet to try it!)

    • Charlie

      Reply Reply June 14, 2016

      So 10 is a big number, but I’d start by at least adding a few people that are closest to you when you enter the room, preferably with a handshake. If that’s too much, then look for eye contact, a smile and a quick “Hey, Tom. Hey, Steve” etc. to make people feel that they’ve been acknowledged. This is most important with people you don’t know well so it will have a bigger impact outside of the “firm” group who I imagine you have spent a lot of time with

      • Ash

        Reply Reply June 15, 2016

        Ok great, I think i get it!
        Thanks for clearing that up Charlie

  • alex svoboda

    Reply Reply March 16, 2016

    to clarify, I am referring to group conversations that occur in a work setting, where 1. you are not friends with everybody at the table (but on good terms) 2. generally don’t reveal the full extent of your personality because there may be bad consequences at work.

    • Charlie

      Reply Reply March 19, 2016

      You’re totally correct to recognize that you can’t expect the same things from other people or even yourself in a group dynamic. One to one allows for a greater sense of trust and intimacy, because only one other person needs to be trusted. Groups tend to make that more difficult. On the upside, groups generally have higher energy and can be more fun and more intelligent in a work setting brainstorm session. The goal for what it sounds like you’re doing is both to lead and make other people feel comfortable contributing. You can accomplish that with a lot of the things we have already covered in the course, plus by paying special attention to solicit the feedback of quieter individuals and by going out of your way to publicly praise (though don’t harp on it – that may embarrass them) their contributions,

  • alex svoboda

    Reply Reply March 16, 2016

    For example, I have this one friend who I enjoy speaking with one on one. But in group interactions she is lot more reserved overall, but it doesn’t mean she is any more or less of my friend. I’ve come to understand to expect different things from her depending on the number of people.

  • alex svoboda

    Reply Reply March 16, 2016

    The goal would be the have conversation that are close in quality to one on one conversations (which tend to be pretty good).
    At the same time I’m curious if I should revise my expectations about the two, as it may not be reasonable to expect the same thing from both.

  • alex svoboda

    Reply Reply March 16, 2016

    Thanks for the quick response Charlie. I’ll get back to you shortly.

    Btw, showed some people your video breakdowns on Trump – they were very impressed with your insights.

  • alex svoboda

    Reply Reply March 15, 2016

    Charlie, just switched up jobs so have been consulting this and work relationships modules to very good effect (the strategies on projecting your voice, finishing your sentences, and going from small to big are great).
    One initial hurdle that I noticed is how people are different in groups versus one on one; its almost as if we are completely different people – people can become more shy and/or more group think tendencies shine through as people belittle one individual or pick apart your argument in a manner they wouldn’t do if they were one on one.
    Do you have any recommendations that explore group dynamics further?

    • Charlie

      Reply Reply March 15, 2016

      I actually haven’t come across any great books on the topic. Do you have any specific questions that I can do my own research on? What would your goal be in those situations? Maybe I can piece something together for you 🙂

  • David Lyus

    Reply Reply January 17, 2016

    Last night I went out to dinner with 10 other people and ended up staying in the restaurant for about 4 hours, so this was a good opportunity to put several of these ideas into action.

    Day 1 – I was already introducing myself to each person in the group anyway, however last night I gave each person a little more attention and small talk while doing my rounds, whilst using active listening techniques when the other person spoke. This felt like the evening was off to a better start.

    Day 2 – Observing how individuals join the group conversation. People in this situation were generally good at finding the seam, I didn’t observe anyone cutting in to the discussion above conversation level, or being shut down due to a small presence. I’ll keep on with the Day 2 exercise over the coming days as well to pick up some more of this.

    Day 3 – There was one opportunity to finish the sentence after someone else was speaking, and was able to come back to the point later. Good tactic and will also be doing this exercise every day from now on.

    Day 4 / 5 – This worked really well. Started 1-on-1 with the person opposite me using active listening techniques when he was speaking, and when it was my turn giving him my full engagement while speaking slightly above conversation level and a tiny bit slower. I noticed more people would begin to look my way and listen, and I’d share eye contact with them, speak up a little more and slow down a little more and most people would be listening. Cracking a joke to make the majority laugh would then get the attention of the remaining people.

    I didn’t find the need to call other people in to the conversation by name, but by this point I had been using active listening techniques with everyone else I’d spoken to throughout the evening and been sure to give the best feedback / laughter when others had been speaking, which I think helped to earn their attention in return.

    Simple and very effective, thanks Charlie!

    • Charlie

      Reply Reply January 17, 2016

      Love the speed with which you are applying this stuff David! It sounds like the biggest thing for you is in slowly building a group conversation off of a 1:1 interaction, which is a great place for you to focus if a lot of the other pieces are going wel.. Once you start to make that a bigger habit, you’ll likely find that you are becoming the de facto conversational leader. At that point, your role will switch less from having to “win attention” and more to distributing it towards others.. It’s a very cool evolution to experience 🙂

  • Jordan

    Reply Reply July 10, 2015

    This is fantastic! Used the seam and support tonight at a dinner party.

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