Confidence

Tagged: 

This topic contains 30 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by  Joe Friedland 2 years, 4 months ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #361

    Charlie
    Keymaster

    Everything about confidence can go here, including your questions and goals for how best to integrate what you learn from the sentence completion stems!

  • #415

    Johnny
    Member

    Hi folks — just wanted to share a wee story about not blending in and pattern breaking…

    I was at a business conference in Rotterdam (Netherlands) last weekend and on the first day, the charity sponsor of the event was selling cute stuffed bunny rabbits to raise funds.

    I wanted to buy one for my wee niece but the thought process I was going through went a bit like this: I want one of those but I don’t have a bag to put it in so I can’t get one because carrying it about with me would be embarrassing.

    But then I caught myself and realised that I *had* to buy the bunny, own the bunny and flaunt the bunny 🙂

    So, I bought it, pattern-broke with the lady selling them by asking her if she’d sell me the giant display bunny and chatting with her.

    I then went to get a coffee and when my server forgot the M&Ms I asked for, I joked that the bunny would be hungry if he didn’t get his M&Ms, she laughed and when she brought the M&Ms she play-fed them to the bunny!!

    For the rest of the day I walked about the conference proudly displaying my bunny and even on the way back to my apartment, I got smiles on the underground!

    The hilarious thing is that I enjoyed the experience *so much* that I resolved to buy a second bunny on the last day of the conference so I could do it all again! Sadly, they were all sold out but I still had a laugh with the girl on the charity stall 🙂

    Thanks for the good times Charlie & Ben, you rock!

    • #424

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      Bahahaha this made me laugh out loud. Awesome that you felt the social pressure to blend in and then did exactly the opposite!

    • #433

      You’re a legend Johnny. I laughed out loud too – flaunting the bunny. Your wee niece is a lucky lassie.

    • #436

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      Well done sir! This is awesome. Perfect thought process as well – “Oh damn I just realized that the reason I don’t want to do this is it makes me socially uncomfortable…now I 100% have to do that thing”. That mindset is awesome and will lead to a lot of great things in life 🙂

  • #425

    Johnny
    Member

    Thanks Charlie, I only wish I’d worked this stuff out 20 years ago! (Showing my age there lol)

  • #431

    Johnny
    Member

    Just been out go-karting for a stag do. Went to buy a coffee after and pattern broke the server with “I heard that coffee was free for medal-winners today”. It was only intended as a joke but I ended up with a free coffee! Haha, love this stuff!

    • #432

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      Free stuff is the best haha! A great indication that you have totally broken someone’s pattern and that they are treating you like a friend rather than a customer.

      It’s incredible what leeway gatekeepers have, even beyond free food. You can get into sold out events, get upgrades, or just get great inside advice if you keep this up with the various “little people” you encounter every day.

  • #434

    I love the exercise of deemphasising uncomfortable daily feelings and ramping up the comfortable ones. From now on when times get tough I’m peevish, perturbed, discombobulated, besieged, skittish, flagging and/or dazed. I find these synonyms all bring some degree of amusement to the experience for me. For the rest I feel happy, fulfilled, liberated, just right, love, fun, ecstatic, relaxed and confident.

    • #437

      Ian
      Participant

      I like it Courtney – “discombobulated” beats the hell out of “been better”. Emotional control gets much easier when you are conscious of it and making efforts to be more positive.

    • #440

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      Yeah, it is really incredible how the words we use have the power to shape our experience. Pick the right words and you can really control how you feel even in trying situations

  • #438

    Ian
    Participant

    The sentence completion exercises were really useful. One example asked me what life would be like (different) if I insisted on living with perfect integrity. I’ve made it a goal to cut out white lies for the last year or so, and it’s something I struggle with, for no good reason. I concluded that my friends wouldn’t care if I told them I don’t want to go to an event, instead of making some lame excuse. Also my relationship with my coworkers could be improved by being more realistic about deadlines and workload. Anyone else struggle with this? It seems so simple, but even more simple is lying unfortunately!

    Anyway, it was a good exercise and good to think about a couple days after completion.

    • #441

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      So we might have to go into this one more at length, but not lying is HUGE for charisma and for life in general. Silly things like realistic deadlines and realistic estimations of whether or not you’re going to show up at a party can have a profound effect on the trustworthiness of your word. When you cut out lying, it create so much more trust in your relationships because the other person knows lying isn’t even an option for you.

  • #447

    Nina
    Participant

    There is a strange feeling doing these questions because one part of me feel “wow, there is so much power in me” and “people are amazing” and that kind of stuff but the other part of me feels ashamed and hates myself because I don’t do these things and it’s so obvious how beneficial it’d be. Like today when I was walking home I saw an absolutely gorgeous guy at the bus stop but I didn’t stop and talk to him, had I been living with more integrity that’s what I would have done but it’s reeeally hard!

    • #448

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      Haha, I totally feel you Nina. I have lived that scenario in reverse order more times than I can count.

      Here’s the secret: talking to that guy 10 out of 10 times is a great goal. But I have never in my life seen anyone that does it. Most people do 0 out of 10, then 0 out of 10,000 over the course of their lives.

      Now just like the best baseball hitters, .300 is amazing. So if you talk to that guy 3 out of 10 times, it may not be perfect, but it is still really good. And when you do that over the course of your life, that’s thousands of conversation you wouldn’t have otherwise had. Which turns out to dozens of important people in your life that wouldn’t be there otherwise. And that’s the whole point.

      Aim to get it every time, but don’t beat yourself up if you miss one. Just let that by fire to do it the next time!

      • #453

        Nina
        Participant

        I love that Charlie, thanks. That’s a great way to think to inspire action but not beat yourself up if you don’t do anything 😀

  • #461

    Nina
    Participant

    Love the replacing words excercise. These are what I got:
    Alone – Stillness
    Excitement – Thrilled
    Longing – Caring for at a distance
    Annoyed – Bugged, provoked
    Self-doubt – Thoughtful
    Relaxed – At ease
    Scarred – Careful
    Content – Harmoneous
    Proud – Accomplished
    Loved – Adored
    Happy – Estatic
    Angry – Heated
    Jealous – Admiring
    Shy – Coy, modest, demure
    Confidence – The bomb
    Fun – Alive

    It’s funny because, especially with thepositive words I do feel the more powerful ones but just usually don’t express them.

    • #462

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      All great reframes! Just make sure to use them in your head and when speaking and you’ll see your general mood improve almost immediately

      • #465

        Nina
        Participant

        That’s very true, yesterday I was walking around town all day and was totally exhausted but I said in my head “my feet have had a rough day with lots of walking, but the rest o me is freaking fabulous!” and it put me in a great mood.

  • #463

    Just to check in I want to say that I have the six pillars of self esteem and am currently on week eight of the sentence completion exercise! I do it every morning and it has helped TONS 🙂

    • #466

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      That’s awesome Ian, glad to hear it! Good for you for getting them done every day. It really is life changing.

      This made my day! 🙂

  • #464

    Nina
    Participant

    Last action step for this week, I’m going to flirt more, which practically shouldn’t be difficult because there is litterally abar in my building and it’s open every single day haha 😀 Wish me luck, very exciting.

    • #467

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      Haha awesome. Good luck! Have fun with it 🙂

    • #468

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      That’s awesome. I highly recommend getting specific about your goals here. So you might make it something like, “start three conversations with strangers when in the bar, preferably with groups that have guys I am attracted to.” A really easy way to do this is just to say “Hey, I don’t think I’ve met you yet, I’m Nina.” That’s all it takes 🙂

      • #471

        Nina
        Participant

        Good idea, I’ll start with two people 🙂

  • #878

    Josep
    Member

    I’ve been struggling a lot with the sentence completion exercises. I’ve finished the last 5 today, and although I see some meaningful answers, with the majority of them I know I’m not being completely honest and the filter is still there. I try to do it as fast as I can, but normally after 2-3 senteces my head runs out of things to say and I begin to actually THINK the answers, even for a few seconds, which is what I’m not supposed to do, I guess…
    Besides, most of my answers are quite broad, and I don’t know if I should be more specific about certain aspects of my life. Maybe that’s my ‘self-censorship’ in action 🙁
    Any ideas on how to get rid of that ‘filter’? It’s really difficult for me to turn it off.

    Thanks!

    • #897

      I struggled with that too with the sentence completions. For me when I went blank after the third sentence, I just segued off that sentence and kept writing for it. That helped me expound upon one idea rather than struggle to come up with a new answer. Don’t know if that helps, since the last post was a month ago. ^^’

      I do have another question though. I went through a rough time recently and didn’t feel supported by my friends. When I tried to meet new people, I came off as desperate.
      So how does one meet/befriend new people when you’re in a funk?

      • #963

        William
        Participant

        I went through a rough time recently and didn’t feel supported by my friends. When I tried to meet new people, I came off as desperate.
        So how does one meet/befriend new people when you’re in a funk?

        Hi Bethany, I guess you are kind of unhappy by nobody answering you.
        I for my part am just trying more and more and more. Changing the approach if it doesnt work and do it more and more. Well, not in the last weeks honestly (expect in spain, people are so awesome there!…or maybe they were just on holidays :o)), but just keep on trying. If you are “in a funk”(had to translate that so I would understand, thanks for the new words!), use Tony Robbins Incantations. Why? It is true. If you are in a sad state, you wont get better. But the problem with the sad states is that you are going to think that it wont get better anyways if you tried, which is total BULLSHIT! So you should just try it, it will work.

        Example to the “wont get better”:
        Ever tried going to the Gym? I was registered for 2.5 years and most of the time I was thinking “Nah, not today, not in the mood, no energy, blablaexcuseblabla”. But SOME times I forced myself to go onto my bike and drive to that god damn gym 10 biking-minutes away and what happened? Most of the times THOSE were the best days I had there, and honestly, there were not many of them. I disliked that place. I forgot to cancel the contract, so I had to go there 1 more year. I was not charismatic and it was no fun at all, but some times when I made up my mind(not knowing of T-Robs back then) to train and be awesome there, I had my best days! So just do it!(Insert Shia LaBeouf here)

        Ever tried to stand up after sleeping a few minutes/hours? Yeah, really hard. You don’t want to! Me neither. But you dont want to go to sleep if you are awake. Same thing! Newtons law of inertia (thanks dict.cc)! Applies to everything!

        So Bethany, I hope you’ll read it, just keep on trying! Those who try to find a path and have a goal WILL succeed, if they persist in doing so. (also, read “The Alchemist” from Paul Coelho, 4hr Audiobook on YT)

        Greetings, Will.I.Am

  • #943

    Antti Vuori
    Member

    My confidence task of the day: Step in and try to stop my two co-workers nagging and fighting with each others at my summerjob. So, the trigger of the day is when I heard other one is starting to nag. Action/Tiny Habbit is yell to my co-workers: “For f*ck sake, stop it! This job is hard enough already without you two to start nagging each other and nobody cares hear you two fighting”

    This is what I was written in yesterday morning. I was in a hurry and I didn’t submitted my text, but I did read somebody’s post about flirting in here. Well, what happened was that I didn’t complete my confident task of the day but I did complete somebody’s flirting task of the day 😀 I was flirting all day long and I had a blast!
    It was absolutely sensation: girls were laughing and smiling, and my co-workers was doing the while I was flirting. Am I disappointed in myself that I didn’t complete task that gave for myself – No, I’m not, because flirting was also one thing that find my sentence completing answers also – I just didn’t valued that so much, and my own tasks trigger never came – maybe because they were laughing that I was flirting. I dunno 😀

    Thanks Charlie this stuff is awesome! And also thanks to someone whose task I completed 😀

  • #1020

    Ton
    Member

    Internet
    meer
    Verzonden berichten
    Making great first impressions: The trigger
    Inbox

    Anton van Gilst
    Hey Charlie! I have been watching all the videos about making great first impressions, while taking notes so I would remember it better. I already …
    5 gelezen berichten weergeven

    Anton van Gilst
    aan Charlie
    2 dagen geledenDetails
    Hey Charlie!

    Yesterday I had a “stagemarkt” as they call it in Dutch. Basically there is a whole bunch of companies that are looking for 1 or 2 interns. They all have a stand and the students walk around and they can try to find a company for an internship.
    I had already started watching the confidence module, so I tried to break people out of their pattern. Also, before the whole event began, I did the Tony-thing so I felt great leaving the house. On the way there, I warmed myself up, making smalltalk here and there.
    When the event started, I just started talking with the employees at a stand and instead of asking what kind of company they were, I asked how they were doing. I noticed some of them froze for like half a second, then started smiling and answering my question. I did it with every employee I talked to, and the response was amazing!
    At the end of the day, I have a couple of internships that were offered to me. Lots of employees who I can refer to when I apply for an intern position. So overall I had great succes!

    Thank you for charisma university man! Best 300 dollars I ever spent!

    Have a great day!

  • #1449

    My overarching goal is to get more efficient/productive with my time. My goal is to only watch one hour of tv (max) a day after I’ve accomplished everything that I need to do.

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.