Amazing First Impressions

Home – Charisma University Forums Charisma University Amazing First Impressions

Tagged: 

This topic contains 108 replies, has 33 voices, and was last updated by  Sven 2 years, 3 months ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #360

    Charlie
    Keymaster

    Post about first impressions here!

  • #371

    Nina
    Participant

    Challenge numero uno done! My husmate asked me how I slept and I said fantastic with a smile, I was kinda expecting a “what’s up with you” laugh but instead she said “wow, I should do that do!”. given that I’ve tried teaching her to be more healthy and sleep better etc. it really made me feel appreciated and gave me a burst of energy! Love it, I’m going to try the technique more tonight. 😀

    • #393

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      That’s awesome Nina! Good for you, part of real charisma is when you inspire others. Well done!

  • #372

    Ian
    Participant

    Let me know if this is the right place to post. Day two challenge. Catch the hooks:

    “Where are you from?”

    “I’m from the bay area. I’ve never lived anywhere else except for college, so I like traveling to new places to see what else is out there, but I haven’t found anything I like more than the bay.”

  • #373

    Ian
    Participant

    Day one challenge: went up and shook hands and introduced myself to the dudes in the gym I’ve small talked with in the past. Definitely well received.

    One of them knew my name already. Remembering is something I need to work on. I’ve never made that a conscious priority.

  • #374

    Ian
    Participant

    Looking for more loops here. Also, what do you think – too short? Just right? Should we be carrying the conversation a little bit more to give opportunity for more hooks?

    “What do you do?”

    “I do a lot. I’m kind of a battlefield lieutenant for IT projects, and I’m passionate about writing and sports.”

    • #377

      Nina
      Participant

      Ian, I think the key is to go into a bit more detail but then leave some parts out. So the second half of your “what do you do?” answer could be more like “but I am also working on this passion project that has to do with X. It’s a lot of work but I find that working out gives me a lot of energy and I love the kick I get from a good workout”.

      • #379

        Johnny
        Member

        Hey Nina — you asked for feedback.. I’m not Charlie but here’s my 2 cents.. You obvs need to be “Swedish” rather than the country (although that could be very endearing 🙂 You could give it more “zing” by saying something like there’s more “buzz” around what you do in London and saying you’re “excited about going on holiday and you could give a little hint as to why by saying “somewhere hot” or “somewhere beautiful”.. J

    • #383

      Hey Ian. Charlie’s given the thumbs up for 3 to 5 sentences. You’ve got 2 there so I reckon there’s definitely scope for you to give some more info about yourself if you want.
      Nice hooks by the way. Writing’s a big thing for me too so that’s the one I’d dig into first with you but I like the battlefield lieutenants simile.

  • #375

    Day 1 – Okay so I would argue that this is already habitual for me. I work at a high school in Spain teaching English and I’m always “fenomenal” or “feten” (which is a word that the lady in the cafeteria literally taught me because I always feel incredible – it means stupendous or something similar). The teachers now always smile at me in the hallways and it seems like people just generally have a brighter time when I’m around. It’s crazy.

    Also, quick note, in Spain they teach the kids in English to respond to the question “How are you?” with “I’m fine thank you, and you?”. So these kids all used to answer my “How are you?” question in choral unison with “I’m fine thank you, and you?”. They have slowly started becoming more expressive!

    • #394

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      Hey Ian! Great question:

      Looking for more loops here. Also, what do you think – too short? Just right? Should we be carrying the conversation a little bit more to give opportunity for more hooks?

      “What do you do?”

      “I do a lot. I’m kind of a battlefield lieutenant for IT projects, and I’m passionate about writing and sports.”

      Two things that I think would really help here.

      1.) More detail in your open loops. Writing and sports are vague, which is good for making the loop open, but in this case it’s too vague for anyone to really latch on to. What kind of writing do you do? Do you have a blog? Journal? Book? On what topics? Give some detail here, but leave some back as well, and you’ll have a good open loop. Same with sports, what sport? Are you passionate about playing or watching?

      Those answers will really help trigger interest in your answer.

      2.) I’m a bit unclear on what a “battlefield lieutenant for IT projects” is. Do people often ask follow up questions? If this gets people hooked, then great! If not, then what are other ways you could phrase it? Don’t change what works, so if it works, that’s awesome. If not, you could experiment around with this line.

      Hope that helps! If this was unclear or you’ve got follow up questions, just let me know 🙂

    • #395

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      Nice dude! Helping kids become more expressive is HUGE. You are literally helping them experience their lives more positively by feeling their positive emotions more powerfully. That’s fantastic!

  • #376

    Nina
    Participant

    It felt really akward touching people I’m not flirting with, definitely need to work on that.

    Here is my day 3 challenge, I look forward to receive some feedback: I am Sweden but I moved to London because there is a lot more opportunities for what I want to do here and I have always loved to travel. I’m going on holiday in a few months and I really look forward to it.

    • #396

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      Hey Nina! Don’t worry about the touching feeling awkward at first – eventually you get used to it and it becomes quite natural. Just keep at it 🙂

      In terms of your day 3 challenge answer: I am Sweden but I moved to London because there is a lot more opportunities for what I want to do here and I have always loved to travel. I’m going on holiday in a few months and I really look forward to it.

      I imagine this gets the follow up questions of “what do you want to do here?” almost every time, right? If so, that’s perfect!

      Now step two is having a great answer to that question 😉

      Seriously, you can nail down the answer to that follow up question as well and start to have dynamic yet predictably interesting conversations. That’s when you’ll start making consistently awesome first impressions.

      Also, great feedback to Ian! I think the key is to go into a bit more detail but then leave some parts out. So the second half of your “what do you do?” answer could be more like “but I am also working on this passion project that has to do with X. It’s a lot of work but I find that working out gives me a lot of energy and I love the kick I get from a good workout”.

      Detail + leaving parts out is key. Good stuff 🙂

  • #378

    Johnny
    Member

    Hi folks — OK so nobody actually asked me how I was till today but when they did, I was of course “fantastic”. Oh, actually, I did have been asked a lot on the phone but I’ve been finding it hard to remember, guess I need to think of the phone ringing as a trigger 🙂

    I’ve been trying really hard to maintain eye contact in conversation but man it that hard! Will grind it out though if Charlie says it gets better..

    Tell you what it’s even hard keeping eye contact with a webcam! I run a webinar for my team every week and I’ve actually been given feedback before that I should look in the camera more. That little green light on my Mac just freaks me out! I believe it’s to do with the fact that accessing your memories is easier when looking to the side..

    Souped up responses coming soon…

    • #397

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      Hey Johnny!

      I feel you on the camera front, this is something I used to struggle with as well until recently. But watching the footage from my virtual conference, I realized it makes a HUGE difference in how we are perceived.

      The best advice I can give you for practicing this – combine some of your CU work (like storytelling) with practice looking at the camera.

      It’s all about practice here. Get enough repetitions talking to that green light, and eventually you’ll feel very natural doing so on your work video calls.

      Johnny: “Oh, and almost forgot — I used the enter-a-group-conversation-by-just-introducing-yourself-to-everyone technique to dazzling effect at a networking event the other day.”

      Great job Johnny! That’s awesome, congratulations. You’re about to have a lot more fun in group settings 🙂

      • #401

        Johnny
        Member

        Thanks for the feedback Ben — practicing in front of the green light is something I hadn’t actually thought of, duh!!

        OK now for my enhanced responses:

        * Where are you from?
        I’ve tried to escape to a few different places [should I mention where at this stage or leave that open???] but I’m from Glasgow; I grew up in Bearsden but I’ve lived in Finnieston since I came back to Scotland. That way, I’m near church and all the music venues but also not too far from my mum and my wee niece.

        * What do you do?
        I do a few different things…
        I have a property business — I’m kind of over it to be honest but it ticks away in the background.
        On the other hand I’m very passionate about my internet marketing business, which I love because I get to geek out on my Mac and be creative.
        And then my network marketing business forces me to get out of the house and I love it because I get to speak, travel and help other people change their lives for the better.
        [trying to cover a lot of ground here I know!!!]

        • #407

          Charlie
          Keymaster

          Looking good man! Time to take them out into the real world and tweak from there, see how people react and you can work on changing either the words or the delivery. But I like the mix of values and open loops for sure.

  • #380

    Johnny
    Member

    Oh, and almost forgot — I used the enter-a-group-conversation-by-just-introducing-yourself-to-everyone technique to dazzling effect at a networking event the other day.

    This was always something that I struggled with and tended to go more for introducing myself to a single loner somewhere or trying to pick off the inactive one in a group of three but if those options aren’t available it was always a bit uncomfortable.

    Problem solved. Thanks Charlie 🙂

  • #381

    Hey guys. Here’s where I’m from. All feedback appreciated.
    I’m from a few different places along the east coast of Australia but at the moment I live in Brisbane. It’s where a good bunch of my people are at and it’s big enough to offer opportunities and choices but small enough to be easy going. I’ve got a really good job here and I use it as a jumping off point for occasional travel to other places in Oz and around the world.

    • #398

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      Hey Courtney!

      I’m from a few different places along the east coast of Australia but at the moment I live in Brisbane. It’s where a good bunch of my people are at and it’s big enough to offer opportunities and choices but small enough to be easy going. I’ve got a really good job here and I use it as a jumping off point for occasional travel to other places in Oz and around the world.

      Some quick feedback here. You’re in a great starting spot, I think it would be improved by clarifying a bit what kind of opportunities you think it has.

      What do you actually like about it being big? The ability to meet new people, the theater / culture it provides, the community of people with similar interests in [insert hobby here], the feel of it. I think you can turn “it’s big enough to offer opportunities and choices” into a really cool sentence that tells a bit more about you.

      Good open loops about where you are from and what you do for work. See if you start getting predictable follow up questions. If not, then the open loops need to be catchier. If you DO get the same follow up questions every time, then you are ready to start crafting answers to those follow up questions!

      • #408

        Thanks for calling me out on the ‘opportunities’ thing Ben. I think I tend to go generic because talking about myself feels really weird. It’s like the details of my life are Teflon-coated – my mind just slips right off them when I’m in conversation. Getting this response figured out in advance is a great way for me to get specific about how I make the most of my city. I’ll throw in some references to activities I’ve tried since I’ve been here.

  • #382

    Here’s what I do. Again, keen to hear your thoughts.
    I’m a psychologist. I get to hang out with people and help them solve their problems. It’s pretty cool. I started out studying psych straight out of school, broke off and did a whole bunch of other stuff and eventually came back to psych because it’s kind of where the meaning of life is at for me. I love figuring out how to be a whole person and helping other people do their thing in the world.

  • #384

    Hey Nina. You’ve hooked me on Sweden and London – 2 places I haven’t been yet so I’d be interested in hearing about your life in both. And you’ve left the loops wide open for me to ask you about what you’re doing in London that you couldn’t do as freely in Sweden as well as the parts of the world you want to explore on your holidays. Top stuff.

    • #387

      Nina
      Participant

      Thank you Courtney, glad you liked it. both Sweden and London is definitely worth a visit 🙂 I’m going to the US to visit some friends, the second answer I’ll tie into my day 4 challenge. So, what I do:

      “I’m lucky (don’t know about this word choice as it seems a bit like I haven’t worked hard) enough to have the best job in the world, I’m a trader. At the moment I work from a home office which has it’s perks to be sure, like being able to work from anywhere in the world, but I’d love to have collegues because I love being around people.”

      • #690

        Hey Nina,

        I’m also from Sweden and would love to hear more from you about how you did to get where you are today. My dream job is trading and I try to read about the market every day. Sadly I have not had the time to actually trade so much because I study full time to something completely different from trading (obviously something that I find very exciting too 😉 ). If you still use this forum I would love to hear some more.

        (I don’t know if this is the forum for this type of questions and if it isn’t you could just delete it. 🙂 )

        • #691

          Charlie
          Keymaster

          Hey Tomas, questions here or in the comments are great. Just a heads up, some people have turned off notifications of messages here in the forum since the comment section is more active.

  • #385

    My smile triggers are stepping onto the bus, walking through the automatic doors at reception, hitting the top of the flight of stairs, turning into my pod, reaching someone else’s pod when I’m visiting to coordinate something, and approaching reception when I’m picking up a client. The anticipation of the smile and the smile itself do actually move me to the brink of laughing. Lots of smiley responses. I’m finding it a bit hard to buzz people when I’m at a bit of a low ebb though. My low ebb grins have been more likely to attract uncertain responses than cheerful ones so I probably better off saving the smiles for when I have the energy to back them up.

    I’m remembering to come back with a super or amazing when I initiate the how you doings. Sometimes I go sincere and sometimes, singsong. It’s fun. Its weird how simple this is but how elevated people’s responses are. My interactions have been more playful as a result.

    Nevertheless, when someone catches me unawares with a how are you, I’m falling back on old faithful. At best I’m squeezing out a really good thanks. I’m hoping I’ll become more mindful with practise.

    I’m actually pretty good with touching. I think it’s one of my top love languages. I tend to touch on the arm or shoulder when I’m asking someone a question or alerting them to their turn or something like that. I walk around arm in arm with friends. Big hugs for friends and family. I’ve had a chance to do all of the above this week.

    I think I made a good impression on some new manager who started at my organisation this week too. Kept my hands above the table, was honest about something I’m a bit uncertain about and could probably use some guidance on, guided them into territory where they got to talk about the opportunities inherent in the change process we’re going through and what fired them up about their induction.

    Thanks Charlie, Ben and Henry.

    • #399

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      This is awesome!

      Great smile triggers. In terms of the low ebbs, we’ve got a video on amping your emotional state by using incantations, music, and focusing on positive stuff and positive self talk while putting yourself into fun, happy, confident body language. Have you seen that one yet? If not, no worries, it’s coming and I think it will help 🙂

      The fact that you’re alternating between sincere and singsong is PERFECT. And the result, being more playful and having more playful interactions, is fantastic. Don’t worry about falling back on “old faithful” when you get caught unawares. Habit building is a process. And you’ve only been at it for one week, so it’s phenomenal that you’re already seeing results in yourself and the people you interact with!

      Congratulations on making such a great impression on the new manager 🙂

  • #386

    Nina
    Participant

    Thank you Johnny, maybe I could say something like this “I’m from Sweden but I moved to London a few years ago and the scene for what I want to do is much bigger here which makes me feel at home. I also love the excitement of going to a new place, I’m going abroad soon and I can’t wait to be somewhere with nice weather and more open people (I’ll be careful about using that last part when I’m actually in London though as I don’t want to suggest that the person I’m talking to is cold).”

    • #400

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      “I’m from Sweden but I moved to London a few years ago and the scene for what I want to do is much bigger here which makes me feel at home. I also love the excitement of going to a new place, I’m going abroad soon and I can’t wait to be somewhere with nice weather and more open people (I’ll be careful about using that last part when I’m actually in London though as I don’t want to suggest that the person I’m talking to is cold).”

      This answer is great. Begs the question what do you do. It also begs the question of where are you going. So the person you are talking to can take it in either direction, which is great because they have the option to go with whichever interests them more.

      Also, you can definitely talk about wanting to go somewhere with more open people. You’re sharing your values, which is that you like warm open people. You aren’t saying that EVERYONE in London is cold. In fact, you might find (and this is my guess as to what will happen) that some people will actually jump on THAT open thread and talk about how they agree and they wish the people in London were warmer. I used to do this in NYC all the time, and now that I’m on the West Coast I throw out open loops about people being flakey or superficial, and it’s the same thing, sometimes people don’t bite, but other times they totally agree – and those are the people I most want to connect with. I think it’s good to leave it in.

      “I’m lucky (don’t know about this word choice as it seems a bit like I haven’t worked hard) enough to have the best job in the world, I’m a trader. At the moment I work from a home office which has it’s perks to be sure, like being able to work from anywhere in the world, but I’d love to have collegues because I love being around people.”

      Again, good answer. I think the word lucky here is fine, it’s modesty, I think people will understand that you earned it. This doesn’t have as many open loops, but it does showcase that you a.) like your job, b.) work from home and have freedom, and c.) love people. Good job of showing both your circumstances and your personality in just a few short sentences. I imagine you will get follow up questions about trading or about working from home. The big thing here is test this by using it in conversation and see what the reaction is. Worst case scenario, conversation stalls and you ask them a question about themselves, and if that happens a few times in a row then you know it’s time to re-work your answer.

      • #446

        Nina
        Participant

        Great feedback thank you Ben!

  • #388

    Nina
    Participant

    And I forgot, I’m glad you brought up the love languages Courtney, it would be interesting to learn how we can used that to become more charismatic! My love language is gifts.

  • #392

    Charlie
    Keymaster

    For everyone- awesome work so far! Love the interaction. I have some suggestions below, but the final arbiter will always be how people actually respond. So nothing I say takes precedence over what is actually working!

    Nina – That’s so awesome! that is the exact response you are going for.

    As for your answer to “where are you from?”, I would hint about what you want to do. Do you mean socially or career wise? You want to give a hint so people will be more likely to follow up with a question. So you might say, “It has a lot of the outdoor activities I love to do” or “It has some really exciting career opportunities that don’t exist in Sweden”

    Ian – Nice job at the gym! For your answer to “Where are you from?” you need to get more specific, just like Nina. What do you like about the bay area? The people, the food, the outdoor activities. Get a bit more specific without giving it all away and you will bait people into asking more questions.

    For the “What do you do?” I would pick one passion and develop it a bit more. So if it were sports, say why you love sports: “What I really love though is sports. Some people think it’s crazy, but to me there is just nothing that is as much fun as pushing myself physically”

    Ian Ian – Haha, my bad logging that name, you can change it in the user profile (top right corner). I totally know what you are talking about with the stock answers for language learners. Always nice to give them something more exciting!

    Courtney – Your answer is really broad spanning which is nice. Lots of hooks for people to latch onto. One thing you might want to do is take one angle and develop it just a bit more by going into the “why?” So maybe you say something about really loving travel because (fill in the blank). You can talk generally about travel or mention what you loved about one specific place you visited recently.

    And great job with the focus on smiling. It is totally natural that you will fall back into old habits from time to time. It’s only been a few days and breaking them can take time. Even I will sometimes go with a shorter answer to “where are you fro?” depending on the context

    • #409

      Thanks Charlie. Added in a bit about how travel fascinates me and shifts my perspective. With the improvements it’s bigger than Ben Hur now though so I might have to dole it out in small chunks.

  • #402

    Russell
    Participant

    Day 2’s practice looks weird for me to practice in my kindergarten work place. NONE of us who work there would shake hands when we greet. It seems so formal like and we are all quite informal in interactions. Is it okay to just start handshaking if (hypothetically) I decided to work on this week/module before I resign (for a job where it seems less weird to shake hands)? And is it practical to do so? Is it actually better to do so?

  • #403

    Charlie
    Keymaster

    Johnny – Here are some tweaks:

    I’ve tried to escape to a few different places [you can experiment with dropping one or two cool cities] but I’m from Glasgow, living in Finnieston since I came back to Scotland. It’s a nice compromise because I love my hobbies but I also I love my family, so this way I’m near church and all the music venues but also not too far from my mum and my wee niece.

    Russell – Any kind of touching works. A back pat, a hug, a shoulder clap. It’s just to get you used to making physical contact while interacting

  • #405

    I’ve started touching people’s arms and shoulders, knees occasionally in the teacher’s lounge. Even started doing students’ shoulders when I teach. When I meet people on the street (usually girls), in the gym, in cafes, I’ve gotten a lot more touchy over the last few days. It’s been amazing. The combination of smiling and touching seems to make people around me happier – it’s truly depressing how sad and stressed teachers are in a teachers’ lounge. I swear they brighten up when I walk in now.

    Also, with the touching and eye contact, I feel like I’ve been getting hit on a lot more (by women and men). It doesn’t annoy me, but if I am not particularly trying to give off a flirty vibe, especially with the GUYS, do you think I should lower the amount of physical touching? Aside from this, simply touching, eye contact and smiling have been incredible. Looking forward to day three.

    Just a note – I don’t have wifi at my house and get it only once every couple of days so I’m doing the challenges about every other day.

    • #406

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      Haha, I think you should keep it up! Having people hit on you is a great sign.

      The one thing that I do notice is that gay men tend to communicate interest via sustained eye contact and touching. So when I know a guy is gay (or I suspect he is) I will tone those tone with him. Not with all men. Just with him so that he doesn’t confuse my non-verbal signs for romantic interest. The same is true for women who I know might be developing feelings for me that I know I am not interested in.

      But those are the exceptions to the rule. My default is strong eye contact and touchy with both genders

  • #410

    Okay Day 4/5 Combined is something like this.

    “I’m from San Francisco but I love Madrid because the people are so outgoing and fun. Plus by living here I get to do work that I love and have a lot of free time for writing and salsa dancing.”

    vs a more pure day 4

    “De donde parezco…?” (Where do you think I’m from?)
    “France?”
    “*Joke about France and how San Francisco is the best city in the world* (It’s small and beautiful, has awesome art museums, zen centers, and the most outdoorsy people I know.. Plus the surfing isn’t terrible)”

    usually followed by a “What are you doing in madrid”
    “The people in madrid are so outgoing and fun, and I wanted some time to travel and figure out what I want to do. Plus I love working with students and have a lot of free time to write and salsa dance”

    Probably trying to shorten this, but variations of it have worked with people so far. Sometimes I say that I used to be a bullfighter but quit because I didn’t want to kill animals and wanted a more challenging job, which I have now.
    What do ya think?

    • #411

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      Haha, the joke answers made me laugh. I love it! At this point, you have a really good baseline which is just about workshopping and seeing what gets you the kind of responses you want most. So play around with some of the little variations you mentioned until you settle on one that works consistently

  • #413

    Willie
    Member

    Hey guys, here are my 2 answers. I’d love to hear your thoughts

    Where are you from?
    I’m actually a native New Yorker. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been to other great cities like San Fran, Hong Kong, London, Paris, but I’ve always gravitated back to NYC because there’s always something exciting going on and I love how that invites spontaneity into my life. And there’s so many smart people here and I love connecting with amazingly authentic people.
    But I am curious to see if there’s a city in this universe that I’d like better than NY which is why I’m building out a side business so I can eventually work from anywhere around the world and explore.

    What do you do?
    I boss people around and call them my minions.
    Yeah, technically, I’m a project manager at an investment bank. It sounds really boring but it’s actually kinda cool. I strategize, and then manage people to move all of us forward. It’s fascinating to see the innerworkings of how things get done at large companies. Plus, I’m looking to build out my side businesses and I think everything I’m learning will be super helpful in not screwing that up!

    • #417

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      I think both are great! One thing I might shift is you can crack a joke about how most New Yorkers think New York is the end of the world when you mention its not the only place you’ve seen.

      • #428

        Willie
        Member

        Awesome, thanks for feedback! I tried this out and saw a noticeable difference in having deeper conversations. Also was interrupted a few times because of the length. What do you do when you’re interrupted midway either by the person or something in the environment? Also is there a sweet spot for duration of your answers in minutes?

        • #435

          Charlie
          Keymaster

          Hey Willie!

          If you occasionally get interrupted, don’t sweat it. If you are consistently getting interrupted, then it’s one of a few things.

          It might be that your answer is too long, in which case think about places in the answer that might benefit from being split up and baited with open loops.

          However, another potential answer is that it’s the delivery. If you find yourself getting cut off, simply being louder, gesticulating more, putting spacing in your words and working on playing with your tonality, all that can help.

          Lastly, it depends a lot on setting. In a one-on-one setting at a house party, you might have more time than at a speed networking event.

  • #426

    Elisa Mehl
    Member

    Last night I presented to 150 people for a few minutes. I used everything I’ve learned so far here: open arms, vulnerabilty, FUN! I would never have thought to bring fun and huge smile in like I did last night.
    It went so well last night I’m going to use it for my incantation.
    I was HIGH!!!
    Thank you. I was different because of this course.

    QUESTION: I made such an impression that a very well established woman came up to me after and started talking to me as if I were a peer. I am in terms of experience in my field, but I don’t yet have the business experience or structure she has.
    She asked if we could exchange email lists to promote each. I said yes, but right now I have a really tiny list.
    I’m going to email her today and wanted to know what are ways to make a good impression in email. Besides being a FANTASTIC contact, I really liked her.

    Thanks Ben and Charlie.

    • #427

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      That’s awesome Elisa!

      I think the important thing with email is to write it as if you were writing to a friend. Most people are very reluctant to crack a joke or use a smiley face with people that they have recently met. There are definitely some industries that are so stuffy you’re better off leaving those out, but most people will appreciate the personal touch. You might even mention what you said above: that besides being a great contact, you really liked her.

      So what I would recommend is enthusiasm. I use far more exclamation points in emails than I do in normal writing. One or two per paragraph at max is fine. I would also reference any sort of inside joke you might have had. That kind of callback humor is really helpful for rekindling good feelings she had surrounding you. Close the email on a specific next step (scheduling a Skype meeting maybe) to take or question for her to answer to make sure that the dialogue is opened

      • #429

        Elisa Mehl
        Member

        Thanks. Great idea. I like it. I just sent the email now.

        • #454

          Elisa Mehl
          Member

          BTW- The joke part was a great idea. She gave me one of her branded items which was a glasses cleaner with her face on it. She made a joke about it when she handed it to me, and after you told me to include humor, I joked about it in the email I sent her.

          I would not have thought to do that! So thanks.

          She wrote back and we are getting together. This really helped Charlie.

  • #430

    Johnny
    Member

    Elisa — sounds like your talk was amazing, well done! Just to add to Charlie’s advice, since you have a small list, you can suggest that you do a swap now and that you can do another send for her later as well, once your list grows a bit.

    • #455

      Elisa Mehl
      Member

      Hi Ben- Thanks. I wouldn’t have thought to offer, since mine is so much smaller. But I will.

      • #457

        Elisa Mehl
        Member

        Sorry Johnny! I typed Ben’s name instead of yours.

  • #456

    Elisa Mehl
    Member

    Doing the “Where are you from” exercise now.

    Do you have any ideas about the last line of what I wrote?
    “getting to meet people that inspire me with their enthusiasm to create things”

    Things is such a lame word. What I love about the Bay Area is that people have the “If you build it they will come” attitude. People go for it and build, create businesses, projects, art etc. And that inspires me. How could I say that succintly

    Here’s the rest of my “Where are you from”

    I’m originally from Palo Alto but now I live in Berkeley. I got back last year from 12 years of living outside of California in the Australian outback, the Catskill Mountains of upstate New York and the high desert of northern California. I was living in retreat properties doing meditation. And now I am so glad to be back in an urban area building my business, speaking and getting to meet people that inspire me with their enthusiasm to create things.

    Thanks!

    • #459

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      Honestly, I might just keep that lengthy response since those are your words. You can create space for them by cutting some of the more logistical pieces of your answer. So trimming a few pieces, you have:

      I live in Berkeley. I got back last year from 12 years of living in the most random places in the world in retreat properties doing meditation. Now I am so glad to be back in an urban area building my business, especially because the Bay area is so full of amazing people. More than nay other place, people have the “If you build it they will come” attitude. People go for it and build, create businesses, projects, art, you name it. And that inspires me.

  • #458

    Elisa Mehl
    Member

    Hi- I also have a question about – How to answer “What do you do?”

    I don’t know what the stereotype of a relationship coach is! I googled it to see if I could find anything, but no luck. Just gym coach stereotypes.

    My “What do you do?” answer so far:
    I help women have the deep, passionate committed relationship they’ve always dreamed of. It sounds like I’m a [stereotype] but I really love it. I know there is somebody out there for everybody. It’s just a matter of making sure they know how to find each other and that they have the skills not to mess it up when they do! Because when a woman is with the right man, she is happier and more confident. She has someone to believe in her.

    • #460

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      One I’ve heard people reference is Hitch. So you could always just pop in “I know it sounds like I’m playing Will Smith’s ridiculous part in Hitch, but…”

      I think the rest is good – definitely worth testing to see how people respond!

  • #597

    Hey guys/gals

    I am astonished at how well people are reacting to the new things I am trying! I am starting to feel more comfortable around people compared to before. I was very kept to myself…

    Challenges

    Day 1: responding to everyone with a step above how I feel would throw people back for a sec, yet I could see them brighten up right away and they would try to start a conversation with me. Me noticing that put me in such a good mood that I was just responding without thinking. It was awesome!

    Day 2: I used a lot more touch but mostly shoulder taps because of work, but the conversations seemed lighter and more jokes were craked.

    As for day 3, I am just finishing it off and will post it soon!

    Hope everyone is enjoying this as much as I am! Haven’t been in such a good mood in a long while…

  • #598

    Day 3:

    I am from Thorold, It’s kindof boring, I would much prefer a bigger city. Which is why I am really excited to be moving closer to work in september! Although it will be more of a steping stone to go and do something way cooler!

  • #599

    Day 4:

    “What do you do?”

    I make sure cars don’t look sad.

    “Haha, oh really?”

    Haha yeahh… I am a factory worker. It’s a good financial boost. But what I really love is helping people. Being able to watch people grow is the best feeling in the world. Right now I am trying to come up with a business plan so I can help people and still have time for myself.

    • #600

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      Nice answers Andrew, love that you are using the humorous first response!

      For both of them, I would say a big thing that will help make them more effective is a bit more specificity. In the first case, why do you want the bigger city? Is it because you love random interaction, international cuisine, crazy nightlife? Good bait mentioning something cooler, but consider elaborating just a bit more to get them to ask a question about what you’re referring to.

      And for the second answer, same thing. Can you elaborate a bit on what type of business plan you are thinking of without giving the whole thing away? That will likely get people engaged and asking questions, which is a great sign these answers are hitting home 🙂

  • #603

    Paul
    Member

    Hi guys,

    Struggling a bit with my “what do you do” question. Any feedback would be awesome!

    “What do you do?”
    I touch people.
    “Haha, oh really?”
    Yeah, well, technically I’m a remedial massage therapist. It sounds a bit touchy feely when people hear “massage” but its actually really cool. I have a big interest in back and neck pain, and its so satisfying when you see someone walk out the clinic feeling better than they walked in. Plus, I also get to work with quite a few athlete’s to keep their bodies functioning injury free too, so that’s pretty cool too.”

    • #604

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      This actually reads really well! Testing it will determine what works best, but a few thoughts…

      First part, you could try: “I am a professional groper”

      Second part you might be able to include them a bit more. Something like

      Yeah, well, technically I’m a remedial massage therapist. It sounds a bit touchy feely when people hear “massage” but its actually really cool. Have you ever known someone with a bad back or neck?

      Yes/No (I imagine there will be lots of yeses)

      So you know it sucks terribly. It’s awesome to be able to take someone in pain, who can’t participate in the things they love, and send them out of the clinic being able to do those things. Plus, I also get to work with quite a few athlete’s to keep their bodies functioning injury free too, so that’s pretty cool too.”

      The last thing that you might want to play with is ending on a teaser. If you gave anything you are working on or if you have had some cool clients you could tease that to see if they ask more follow up questions

      • #605

        Paul
        Member

        Hey Charlie. “Professional groper” made me laugh! I’ll try that out too and see what responses I get.

        Thanks for the feedback, it’s really helpful! I’ll test it out every chance I get.

        Cheers
        Paul

  • #614

    Thomas Bock
    Participant

    Hey Charlie,

    been doing pretty damn well so far, this stuff really is magic! 🙂 And I’m not even that far in…

    A general question: I got your Charisma on Command book as well – the action guide at the end is totally awesome! Now I kind of have the luxury problem of not knowing where to start – the action guide in the book is kind of a mish-mash of the exercises here (with some parts that are not in CU and vice versa). Any tips on what to tackle first? I keep going and forth from the book and CU, can’t decide. 😀

    Cheers!

    • #615

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      Haha, sounds like you’re doing great. Good problem to have 😉

      Maybe some insight into how I devised them will be helpful.

      The book came first. The action guide there was compiled based on what I felt was important and how I remembered needing to reinforce things in my own journey

      CU came later, after having worked with many more people to teach them. So the order is based on what other people report as having the biggest impact. It’s also based on research I did into habit building, namely setting one small thing to do each day to build a big habit over time.

      So CU should be much easier to implement and activate. The book is going to have exercises that lack that ease of implementation. So I would say go through CU first and then go back to the book, scan over exercises that look interesting and then do those.

  • #670

    Day 1:

    So today I had a few opportunities to be better than good. I work as a server, so this is almost a habit, at least when I’m at work. Everything I do as a server seems like an exaggerated version of my true personality, but in reality, it’s probably close to what my goal should be. I tried to bait my apartment’s receptionist into asking me how I was by asking her how she was but she didn’t return the question. I had an opportunity almost immediately afterwards when my coach asked me how I was feeling while we were on our way to the gym and I replied “Fantastic!” I slipped up later and answered “well to someone else.” The most notable today was when my dad’s fiance asked how I was and I said “I’m fantastic!” and my dad actually remarked, “Oh wow, he’s not just good, he’s fantastic!” I definitely felt like I was generally in a good mood today. Staying positive helped.

    • #675

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      Haha, that’s awesome. It’s funny how people don’t expect you to answer anything but the norm when asking “How are you?” It’s a great sign when you make someone remark on it, which is indicative that you have broken their pattern and are now able to engage in a conversation that isn’t totally on auto-pilot

  • #681

    Tom
    Member

    Ok, my “Where Are You From”:

    for locals-

    I’m originally from Louisiana but I’ve lived in Beaumont (Texas) for the last 13 years. My family and I absolutely love it because it feels like the big city compared to the small town I grew up in, but it’s still small enough to where everybody knows everybody. I also love how most of the people who live here tend to stick around, so I’ve got friendships going back a decade or more. It’s also great to be 90 minutes from Houston, where we have access to the big city without having to live in it.

    for non-locals (since many people have never heard of it)-

    I’m originally from Louisiana but I’ve lived in Beaumont, Texas for the last 13 years – it’s a metro area of 350,000 people 90 minutes east of Houston. My family and I absolutely love it because it feels like the big city compared to the small town I grew up in, but it’s still small enough to where everybody knows everybody. I also love how most of the people who live here tend to stick around, so I’ve got friendships going back a decade or more. It’s also great to be 90 minutes from Houston, where we have access to the big city without having to live in it.

    • #684

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      I love the positivity. I think that alone is going to get people engaged. The one thing you might want to add is an open loop at the end. Meaning that you would hint at something without spelling it out, perhaps what it is that you like or don’t like about the big city.

      One other thing I might drop is the stats on Beaumont. It’s not critical where it is located or how big it is. It’s important how it feels. So you might want to describe it by relating it to imagery people already have, for instance: “It’s not exactly the dust and tumbleweeds you’d expect from a spaghetti Western, but it does have that quaint small town feel.”

  • #693

    Cesar
    Member

    Hello Everyone!

    My names Cesar, cant wait to grow with you all!

    Here’s my day 3, feedback is welcomed

    Where are you from?

    I’ve lived in Pacifica my whole life and love the Bay Area. My loved ones are all here plus the diversity and culture of San Francisco has influenced my life in a great way. I don’t plan on moving anytime soon but i am excited for that day when I’m ready to begin that next chapter in my life.

  • #695

    Fabian
    Member

    Hi everyone! 🙂

    Little problem with Day 3:
    The problem is the where am I from.
    My family moved a couple times the last years,
    so I grew up in Hesse (state in Germany). Then we moved to the area of lake constance and 5 years ago to Koblenz.
    So I don’t really have a hometown. But what I recognized in many conversation that I struggle with telling this problem the right way. It offers some ways to come to other topics, since most people I meet know one of these areas or even lived there.

    My question: How do I pack that together to create an answer?

    I am looking forward to your answers! 🙂

    (I study in Koblenz at the moment, so I still live here)

    • #696

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      Great question!

      The answer is to leave the details out, they don’t matter. Pick one place you’ve lived that has something you love, or maybe something you don’t love. One place that allows you to share your values. And steer the conversation towards that.

      So right now I live in Vegas, I have lived in close to a dozen other places and I am not from here. I talk about Vegas though because it allows me to share some of my biggest values (meeting new people). You can do the same by picking one place you’ve lived to focus on

      • #697

        Fabian
        Member

        Thank you Charlie for your fast answer!
        I will come back with the answers soon 🙂

  • #870

    Audrey
    Participant

    Where am I from exercise:

    I’m still living in my home town Frankston, which may not have the best reputation but I can’t help but love it! I have so many memories tied to this place; I live right near the beach where we often take our boat out in summer, there’s a couple of nice tracks where I used to cycle to a creative work studio I once rented and there’s this beautiful park at the end of my street where I sometimes hula hoop. I’m currently looking to move but I’ll always have a soft spot for my hometown!

    • #871

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      Great answer Audrey! Neither good nor bad, but you touch on a lot of different hobbies here. That can be a great strategy for giving someone multiple points to connect with. If you find you aren’t getting tons of follow up questions, pick one and go deeper into why you love it. That way you’ll eventually hit on a common theme (love of family, love of adventure, etc) and give people the chance to connect there 🙂

    • #872

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      Great answer Audrey! Neither good nor bad, but you touch on a lot of different hobbies here. That can be a great strategy for giving someone multiple points to connect with. If you find you aren’t getting tons of follow up questions, pick one and go deeper into why you love it. That way you’ll eventually hit on a common theme – love of family, love of adventure, etc) and give people the chance to connect there 🙂

    • #873

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      Great answer Audrey! Neither good nor bad, but you touch on a lot of different hobbies here. That can be a great strategy for giving someone multiple points to connect with. If you find you aren’t getting tons of follow up questions, pick one and go deeper into why you love it. That way you’ll eventually hit on a common theme – love of family, love of adventure, etc) and give people the chance to connect there 🙂

      • #875

        Audrey
        Participant

        Thanks for the feedback Charlie 🙂

  • #912

    Tim
    Member

    Charlie, I watched the video on touch in the First Impressions module. In general I agree with your points regarding the power of touch. I can say though, that sometimes it can backfire if overdone. I have a coworker that whenever he comes in the room he has to shake everyone’s hand no matter what they are doing. Sometimes it gets annoying because when he walks in, the implication is that he is more important than whatever you might be doing so you have to stop and shake his hand and acknowledge his presence before you can continue. I know he means well and is being respectful to everyone, but I think it should be pointed out that you have to show some external awareness as well I think.

    Or maybe there is a different approach?

  • #915

    Joel Petit
    Participant

    Sup guys! Exercise from day 3 coming up! I actually just came to Tampa for vacationing, so this module is perfect for me as I’m meeting new people!

    Here it is:

    “I come from a place where caring for everyone as a warm, big family is the top trend, and also has the best lighting showdown phenomenon ever. That’s Venezuela, Maracaibo. It’s a city bustling with lights and an amazing vibe for music that brings people together. Hot as a furnace can be too! The thing is, I have lived there every single minute of my life without traveling too much abroad, so I don’t know a lot about the world out there. I have plans of escaping and studying business out in a cool country like this one by the next year, planning to start out this amazing project that I have. I’m really excited not to only see what’s outside, but to learn lots, so I can return to my country and actually make a difference for the better of its people and my family!”

    Thanks in advance for any observation!

  • #921

    Joel Petit
    Participant

    Hello everyone! Exercise from day 4 coming up!

    “What do you do?”
    – I learn better ways to sell the candy that you eat the most abroad!
    “Haha, oh really?”
    – You bet! Technically, I’m studying international business. It sounds like I just decided to study business over the sole idea of making money, but that’s not the whole spectrum. I have a passion for helping and inspiring people, and since I like planning and managing, this path allows me to do it with even more motivation. I’m looking out to learn everything that I can to build my own business in the future, and not also ensure my happiness but also make a difference for the better of my country!

    Thanks in advance for any observation!

  • #926

    Matthew
    Member

    Hello Everyone!

    I’ve kinda put this off a little, so I’m posting the day 3 and 4 activities. Let me know what you think! 🙂

    Day 3:
    “Where are you from?”
    Well, I’ve lived in southern California all my and I absolutely love it! There’s so many different kinds of people and places that you can meet and explore. Not to mention the beautiful weather. It’s feels like Summer all year round. It’s a great place to live, but I’ve lived there all my life so i’m curious what it would be like to live somewhere else.

    Day 4:
    “What do you do?”
    I’m learning the best ways to boss people around.
    “Really?”
    Yeah, but right now I’m working at a frozen yogurt shop. It’s alright, but it’s not what I want to do for the rest of my life. It’s not a career. Like I said, I want to work towards my MBA and be a high level exec. I’ve always enjoyed telling other people to do things.

  • #927

    I’m currently a student and plan to become a Missionary later in life. As such, I think that it’s important that I address the “What do you do” question with sensitivity but without being stoic(fun is usually good, haha). Any and all feedback is very well appreciated.

    “What do you do?”
    “I’m a student right now, but before long I want to learn how to and work to inspire hope in communities that are too busy worrying about basic needs to have any. Before I can do that though, I want to work to fix a community that is looked down on frequently for being narrow minded.”
    “Oh?”
    “Yeah, I’ve been a christian since childhood, and I personally have always wanted to be one of those amazing people standing on busy street corners yelling at people (laugh). In all seriousness, I love interacting with people in both high and low numbers about how my life has changed and how theirs can too. I recently went to Mexico on a mission trip and realized how much good the Church could potentially do. When I became a teenager, I realized that not everyone was having the same good experiences with churches that I was, and I want to change that.”

    I know it’s overly wordy, if you guys have specific parts that you think I could cut out to make it more interesting, let me know. Thanks,
    0Aaron

  • #934

    Hi all,

    Here’s my responses to the questions for day 3 and 4:

    *Where are you from?

    I was previously living in San Francisco for 6 months for a software engineering immersion programming. I loved the experience of living there. It was always nice 60-70 degrees weather even in the winter. I moved back to Rhode Island after winter since its my home state where my closest family and friends are.

    *What do you do?

    I’m a software engineer. I like it a lot more than my previous job as a chemical lab technician. There’s a lot of logic involved and I enjoy how its very clear cut when you’ve made an error in logic and you have to admit you were wrong. I enjoy that you can have an idea, start typing, and create something that anyone can use. I would love to run my own start up some day.

  • #935

    Hi!

    This is my first draft for Day 3:

    Where are you from?

    I’m originally from Steyr, Upper Austria, but I moved to Vienna to study to become a teacher and to make music. I love it here because there is always something happening and there is a big music scene with lots of concerts. Also the people are more open-minded than in Steyr.

  • #940

    Ryan Mendoza
    Member

    First draft for “Where are you from?”

    I’ve lived in Cleveland my whole life and there are a lot of great things about it. But somewhere I have always been drawn to is California. I can’t wait to check it out because the stories I’ve heard paint a very exciting picture. The successful people surrounded by a laid back and chill lifestyle is a great balance for me.

  • #949

    Hi there,
    Here’s my day three assignment.
    I’m from Boston and I love it there because I love being around my family and I have so many awesome memories from growing up there. The only part I could do without is the work-work mentality. I’m all for hard work, but I think the world has forgotten how to have fun. Regardless, of all the places I’ve been, Boston is a pretty great one to live in.

  • #950

    Day 4: What do you do?
    Well, I’m still in high school right now, but as soon as I finish I’m going to take some time off to focus on other things. I feel like school can really define your life, and I’m trying to fight that.

  • #954

    Destin Judy
    Member

    I just completed day 1 ofthe ‘First Impressions’ module. I work as a server at Olive garden, so as i walk in the door to clock in im always bombarded with the “how are you?” question from my coworkers. I used words like fantastic and amazing, but i didnt notice a big response. I assume its because most of my coworkers are extremly outgoing and normally give me that respo se when i ask them in turn. But i did get a huge s.ile from all of the guests that i used this technique on. I definetly plan on continuing this habit in all my first impressions, and i will keep observing the responses i get. Thank you, charlie!

  • #1260

    Hey there guys, just bought the First Impressions Module two days back, writing here for my first day, cos today wasn’t really much of an exposure.
    I tried the I’m feeling fantastic mentality the first thing I saw a human being, and it’s really taken effect in a rather strange way. The reply that I got for me saying “I feel greatly excited” in Mandarin to my friend was a sweet vibrant smile on his face, which was a great way to start off a morning jog. But there was another very unique side effect that was happening: I was feeling this heightened sense of happiness all day long. I’m sure it’s because I want to believe the things I say, so I search for an answer to why I feel so good before I’m asked about it. It led to this great thing happening:

    A friend in a city more than 200km away messaged me saying hi.
    I replied I was feeling ecstatic. Of course she would ask why.
    I simply replied because I was chatting to someone else, and then she messaged me. So there were two people talking to me.
    Of course she would ask me what is there to be happy about, and I replied here this-
    Someone who can’t see you most of the time, and lives 200 kilometers away is wanting to talk to you. Is that not worth being happy about?

    It felt incredible. I started getting happy about the smaller things, and I still feel happy now, because I’m keeping my progress, and I’m having a community to share it with, who may or may not reply, but are all in something related with me. I saw this in Charlie’s “feeling happier everyday video”, but never truly felt its effects until yesterday. So excited and happy!

  • #1266

    Charlie
    Keymaster

    Dhillon, that is so incredibly awesome! If you can keep this up, you have 70% of charisma covered. Seriously, people love bring around people who are happy, because it is infectious. Just remember – it’s not a one and done thing, you have to make it a habit 🙂

  • #1273

    Day two, trust
    Alright I have to admit I’ve slacked off a bit, as I haven’t had the chance to meet many people these few days. But of the people I did meet, I did what I learned from the course! I remained happy about the little things, eg. that I could see my buddies today, that I woke up feeling good, that I had fantastic sleep. And then I proceeded with shaking everyone’s hand that I could get to.
    The reactions I got were so much more intimate! Instead of the constant and normative wave of hand, and “Hi auntie”(After all I saw my buddy’s parents), I go over and shake her hands with a big, heartfelt smile on my face, and a simple “how are you?”. She replies, ‘good’, and when she asks me and I say “Fantastic”, she just has this strange expression of surprise on her face, and then smiles like I did when I shook her hand. Very rare when you just say it and not shake. It was great, and inspiring. Totally have to touch people more next time.
    I also went to touch a whole lot of other people: namely my friends, female friends, male cashiers( I live in an Islamic country so touching Muslim women= high no no), giving them pats on their shoulders while showing affection, and slaps on the shoulders when joking around. I just notice they lean in closer. Really, trust is showing through. Totally gonna do the next exercise tomorrow and see where it goes next!

  • #1275

    Charlie
    Keymaster

    Great work! And a good adaptation given that you live in an Islamic country. There’s definitely going to be some differences for how you interact with Westerners (especially women) so keep letting us know!

  • #1278

    Day 3: Where are you from!
    Note: Not day three at all its been 5 days ahahaha
    I’ve been working on the “Where are you from” module, and I’ve come up with a startlingly short answer compared to the other answers. I have to admit my lifespan has been way shorter compared to everyone else’s, so there’s that 😀
    Here it is:
    Drumroll
    I’m from the town of Masai, Johore. I currently don’t like that place, because there isn’t much happening at all there. The people there are just content to ‘live by’ and exist. But, I’m still living there now because I’m still doing government-funded studies, but I’m absolutely fighting my way to a scholarship to somewhere where people strive and live engaging lives. I would totally go to some place that’s going to be like a culture shock for me, say England or New Zealand, and Brazil. I would love to live in a society where people are focused on creating great experiences, having fun and living life to its fullest!

    Charlie, all ears for your feedback on this! (And everyone else who wants to answer, really)
    Have a fantastic day!

  • #1281

    Charlie
    Keymaster

    This is excellent! The biggest thing it needs is a pause with some bait for the person to ask you to continue. I think right after the 4th sentence when you mention going somewhere else. See if you can hint at where you want to go and get people to ask you where 🙂

  • #1318

    nedim
    Member

    I enrolled into COC because I recently got dumped by a long time girlfriend (2 weeks ago). After being dumped I acted in a way I never imagined acting, I cried and begged and she still said NO, LOL. I then took a week to re-evaluate and realized I just wasn’t the person I wanted to be, socially, mentally or physically. I looked all over the internet for “ways to get my girlfriend back” and they all seemed like band-aids. Sure, I could get her back, but the symptoms that made her leave would still be there. After scouring the internet I found Charlie’s post about “Getting your girlfriend back” and it just spoke to me. Charlie didn’t pretend to be some guru or social god, he was just a guy being real, and in that moment, that’s what I needed. I watched a few videos on YT and then a few more, and before I knew it, it was 3a.m and I was wide awake. The first week I missed my girlfriend like crazy, this week I’ve thought about her, but I believe a life without her could possibly be better (who knows). She was an amazing girl, a great person and the future might have something for us but right now I have to respect myself. She made the decision to leave and I’ve made the decision to take action. Let’s do this.

    I’ve been getting awesome reactions from everyone. I already made a friend at the bar that works in IT. He said “I wish I had a million dollar smile and could talk to strangers!”. I told him he could, he was an awesome person.

    Then at Chipotle today, I gave a huge smile and said “How are you?” right after he said “bowl or burrito”. He gave me extra chicken AND steak!! (wasn’t expecting that!). Then, I did the same thing to the girl serving the cheese, sauce and avacado. She couldn’t stop smiling at me LOL! I probably could have asked for her number but I didn’t, maybe another day.

    I was also doing my taxes and my tax person loved me. This stuff really works! I was always kind of nervous about random social encounters but this is magic!

    I look forward to the weeks ahead.

    • #1320

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      I can totally relate. A lot of the hardest moments in my life have been those moments of feeling rejected by a girl I cared about. They’ve also been the moments that were the most growth inspiring (that;s what got me learning this stuff in the first place). I’m so glad you decided to make this an opportunity to be your best self and can’t wait to hear more about how it goes for you!

      • #1321

        nedim
        Member

        This is the first night I’ve gone out and tried to put the “First Impressions Module” into practice.

        My friend and I went to a bar and were having fun. We were shooting the shit and talking to everyone in the bar. He is normally outgoing so it worked out perfectly. After arriving and dancing on the dance floor, my friend went and talked to two girls that were sitting alone at a table.

        I walked over and introduced myself, gave a big smile and started a conversation with them. Using my memorized answer to “what do you do” and “where are you from” was absolute magic. It took what would have been a simple answer into a deep conversation about what I like, dislike and want to be. Both girls were extremely interested in talking to me and learning more. FREAKING AMAZING! This stuff doesn’t seem fair.

        After our conversation we took the girls back to my friends place, one of the girls liked me a lot better than the other and it seemed like everything I said was making her more attracted to me. I could have said the stupidest thing in the world and she would have found it funny or interesting.

        I ended up taking her down to my friends basement where there is a couch, I don’t live there. We were kissing and I took off her clothes. She wanted to have sex and we did. I didn’t really enjoy the sex very much and was thinking about my ex-girlfriend the whole time. I felt bad because the girl seemed to be enjoying it and I was just somewhere else and couldn’t give her my attention. She was a nice girl and I don’t like being an asshole.

        I just miss my ex-girlfriend. It seems like I’m complaining but I really am thankful for all I’m learning. I just don’t know if I’ll ever move forward.

        • #1322

          Charlie
          Keymaster

          Hey Nedim, when it comes to getting over exes, give it 2-3 months. It can seem like a long time, but it’s about as long as it takes for your brain to reset.

          And in terms of seeing other people, there is no pressure to date before you want to. I think it’s good to be social and expose yourself to other women to see if you have chemistry, but if you don’t feel like hooking up, just don’t 🙂

        • #1331

          Wow, I have to say Nedim, that’s a lot of stuff over the span of a few days! Rock on!

  • #1337

    Ryan
    Member

    Day 3: Where are you From?

    Let me know your feedback on how I can improve this

    Tried to leave vague open loops with plenty of opportunity to share my values with people without telling them up front. Let me know what you think:

    “Where are you from?”

    “I am originally from Belfast, but after graduation I felt like moving to a bigger, more diverse city.

    I chose New York because there are so many people with different perspectives on life and from all over the world.

    Also this is a great opportunity for me to get out of my comfort zone and try new things that really interest me.”

    • #1339

      Charlie
      Keymaster

      Just replied to you in the comments of First impressions 🙂

  • #1436

    Eric Tompson
    Member

    Righteo, here’s how Day 1 went down for me…
    I’d planned to do the really animated “better than good” thing with the first group of people I saw, but I was accidentally half an hour late to a group meeting with them, so my greeting was more of an apologetic stance meaning I didn’t get the opportunity to try it straight away. The thing I found though is that not everyone always asks how you’re doing, a lot of the time people just say “hey” or something along those lines.
    Anyway, I decided to try the animated/excited approach with all the other interactions I had that day. I went to a lecture after that and sat next to a person I’d never met before. I gave an enthusiastic “hey!” which is something I never do when I’m sitting next to someone I haven’t met in a lecture. They seemed to be caught off guard a little, but they said “hey” back. I think that may have been a similar reaction as to the one you were describing Charlie in the Monday video? I then took it further and asked them how they were enjoying the course. They responded saying they weren’t really enjoying it that much, and they overall seemed to be occupied talking to their friend next to them. I decided to go and sit next to someone else who was on their own more so I could really have a chance to try it. I sat next to someone from my tutorial who I’ve talked to a little bit before, and made a really enthusiastic approach, smiling and asking him questions about how he was enjoying the course. He responded really positively, though I wasn’t sure if that may have just been cause he’s a naturally charismatic person anyway. I think the best response I got during the day was when I went to the canteen to buy a liquid breakfast type of drink. When I went to the counter, instead of just buying the drink, I asked the person there enthusiastically how they were doing. They seemed to be impressed and gratified by my enthusiasm and interest in them as most people wouldn’t say anything. They followed up by saying they were great and then asked me what I’d been doing for my day so far. I think that was the best response I got for being more animated and excited. I tried to keep that attitude up for the rest of the day though.

    I guess my only question was, with this exercise, was the goal specifically about answering the question of “how are you” with more excitement, or is it okay if this didn’t happen to me, but I still started greetings and interactions with a more animated approach?

  • #1445

    Foremost, I LOVE reading all of these responses. What an inspiring group of humans in this corner of the internet. (And speaking of the internet, what a lovely thing. How blessed are we to grow up in a time when these interactions with one another are possible!) So, cheers to all that are bettering themselves, talking to crushes, getting over exes, (having hot sex?!), and pushing personal boundaries.

    This week I thought I had it easy because I have always naturally responded to, “How are you?” with peppered adjectives to break the mundane. (Shout out to Mrs. Poirier, seventh grade teacher, who would say, “WTF is ‘good’? ‘Good’ is meaningless.” She chewed that word up and spat with Italian ferocity.) However, once I got to the eye-contact portion, I knew I was in for some challenging homework. I can easily make eye-contact while listening, but as Charlie mentioned, it’s the talking that trips me up.

    To really push myself with this exercise, I actually made it a point to carry this over from conversation to interactions in the hallway. If you work in an office, you are no stranger to the awkward moment where you are walking toward a co-worker (or a stranger) down a hallway and you, a) pretend to look at your phone, b) stare at the floor, c) take a random detour and hide until the coast is clear. So, I challenged myself to keep my head up and maintain just enough eye-contact to show confidence, but not so much as to make them feel uncomfortable. I also said hello. I found that people will smile if I’m smiling, and often they were the ones that looked (or ran) away.

    As accountability for myself, I am noting that I do struggle with this and I will make it a focus to conquer over the next six weeks. I tend to be a bit self-conscious when I am holding eye-contact while speaking with someone so to get over that will be a big W for this girl!

  • #1468

    Sven
    Participant

    Day 1
    So I put on a big smile when talking to some people in a group.
    One of them was actually​ curious what I was smiling about and asked me, so that was
    some very positive feedback already. I found it hard to keep it up in conversation though,
    need to work on those face muscles!

    Day 2
    I imagined coming up to my boss (who is about my age) and be very enthusiastic, but it came
    out really watered down. I guess I feel like I need to live up to some sort of image of the me that
    people have gotten to know? The current plan is to incrementally change that and see what still feels natural / authentic.
    I did give myself credits afterwards for trying and for sticking to how I wanted to greet him.
    He actually put out his fist at first for a fist bump, which is how we normally greet.
    But I stood my ground, held my hand open which he shook, and than gave him a shoulder clap.
    He did look a bit puzzled which was kinda amusing.

    I currently have a job as a mover, which as I’ve found out,
    is a fantastic job to practice these skills as I’m seeing new people every day.
    For the rest of the day I kept greeting customers and coworkers with more enthusiasm than I would normally do. The touching needs some getting used to, but I do actually already have a routine in place to shake hands with new customers when I meet them and again when I leave. So I could just expand this with more shoulder claps etc.

    The shift in mindset from focusing on what went wrong, to praising myself for every time I try something, is by far the most significant thing that I’ve noticed up until now.
    I’m very aware now of how much I’m used to focusing on the negative.
    I really want to change this around and set myself up for an upward spiral.
    Also I didn’t know it was so easy to make myself feel happy. Although I do feel like it will be something that’s really difficult to keep doing, like I won’t have enough energy to summon or that it won’t be true to how I feel. And possibly is a pitfall for neglecting some psychological pain. I’m curious about what you guys think in regards to this.

    • #1476

      Sven
      Participant

      This is reply to my own question of day 2.
      Now that I’ve watched some video’s of the Confidence module, this question has been answered for me.
      (It’s not about being fantastic all the time when you really don’t feel like it, it is more about boosting your spirit in normal situations. This way you create your own positivity and excitement).
      Also I am really amazed by the energy I get from incantations and positively reinforcing good behavior!
      I always thought of myself as an introvert, but I notice that I get more energy already just by changing the way I look at interactions. So that’s pretty damn sweet! Thanks for all the wisdom thus far Charlie, this is gold!

  • #1469

    Sven
    Participant

    Day 3
    Where are you from?
    I moved to Rotterdam to study but I’m originally from the beautiful old city of Amersfoort where my parents still live. ​
    Amersfoort feels more like a unity, whereas with Rotterdam it’s more like hey let’s throw some random architectural structures together and call it a city. I’m considering moving closer towards the coast though or even France in the future because that allows me to practice a very cool sport that I’ve recently gotten into (paragliding).

  • #1470

    Sven
    Participant

    (Got a day off from work today so I thought I’d cram in day 3 and 4 together)
    Day 4
    What do you do? ​
    ​I make all your stuff disappear and then bring it back to your new home.

    Haha, oh really?
    Yeah, I’m a mover but I studied graphic design. Design to me is like a puzzle, you’ve got to try out different kinds of options before you get it right and when you do it’s really rewarding.
    I’m actually trying to start my own business which scares me to death, but at the same time I’m really excited about. I make eye-catching resume’s (graphic cv’s if you will) with a solid content so that people stand out and land at a company that is a good match for them. The moment someone does get the job that they want it’s just awesome to be a witness to that and know that I contributed in some way.

    I always find it difficult to explain the concept of the business without showing an example, but I hope this made sense.

  • #1471

    Sven
    Participant

    Edit Day 4:
    I’ve changed the first sentence into: I get free workouts most days of the week 😉

    Day 5:
    The strong eye contact is a good challenge, I find that I’m analyzing the person’s face while telling a story and it messes with my brain. By the way I’ve only ever come across one person who held too much eye contact and that was a manager from my internship, he used to freak me out. He had this intense gaze and didn’t do much else with his expression so that might have been the freaky part.

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.